The Day I Offended My Friend's Mother
In 2015, at a dinner at a Korean friend's house, I spoke to his mother using polite standard (-요). My friend pulled me aside: "With my mom, use formal (-습니다). She's 60."
The 3 Levels You Need in Practice
Level 1: 반말 (banmal) — Casual
No -요 or -습니다. Only for same-age friends (after mutual agreement), children, animals.
⚠️ There's a ritual: someone proposes "반말 할까요?" and the other agrees. Without this, it's rude.
Level 2: 해요체 — Polite Standard
Ending in -요. The most used level. Default for strangers, colleagues, shopkeepers.
Level 3: 합쇼체 — Formal
Ending in -습니다. For superiors, elderly people, official presentations.
Decision Diagram
- Older/superior? → Formal or polite
- Agreed to use banmal? → Casual
- Don't know them? → Polite (safe default)